Waiting on the Lord - While You Wait for a Baby

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

When God deemed it good for me to wait for a baby, I was unprepared. Physical anxiety, bad theology, and impatience wreaked havoc on me. This road deviated from the plan I had for my life. I did not feel renewed or mounted up on wings like eagles. But I was not waiting on the Lord. 

What you have before you is my battle plan to wait on the Lord as I wait for a child. I have divided the month of waiting into four sections. First, the couple days after you learn your desire was not granted, yet you look ahead to trying again. Second, the section where you begin to do everything in your power to create life, but you still rest solely on God’s sovereignty. Third, perhaps the most difficult, the two weeks while you wait for the Lord’s will to be revealed. Fourth, the moment when God says yes or no. If God wills for us to conceive, I plan on writing a follow-up section that has resources for rejoicing and praising God for answered prayer, but for now, the fourth section has resources for worshiping through the weeping. In each section you will see a song to sing to your soul when truth is far from you, Scripture to paste-up all over your house and study more in depth, a quote from a powerful sufferer who believes in God’s character, and a prayer, written by me, as I walked this season. 

If you are waiting for a baby, I’m so sorry. This is a highly emotional, painful, and humbling trial. I know many who have walked this path much longer than me, and they have assured me with hopeful tears that God remains faithful. I have seen it. God has done what he promises to do in the fire; He remains present and he enables me treasure him. 

I am praying God will equip this resource to stir your heart to love him the most. Resulting in, his equipping you to walk this road without growing weary. 

Wrestle with God’s Will

• Song: Good Plans by Red Rocks Worship
• Scripture: Romans 8:32, Isaiah 30:18, Job 42:2
• Quote: “But because I believe God’s plans for me are better than what I could plan for myself, rather than run away from the path he has set before me, I want to run toward it. I don’t want to try to change God’s mind—his thoughts are perfect. I want to think his thoughts. I don’t want to change God’s timing—his timing is perfect. I want the grace to accept his timing. I don’t want to change God’s plan—his plan is perfect. I want to embrace his plan and see how he is glorified through it. I want to submit.” Nancy Guthrie
• Prayer: “ You are my sovereign Father. I am resting in the goodness of your attributes, even though I do not understand the choices that you have made. You did not spare your own Son. You gave him up for my salvation- my eternal joy and satisfaction in your presence. How then could I not trust you for every other desire? Even a good desire, one you call a blessing? I do not understand the choices you have made. But I am choosing to submit to your Sovereign and Fatherly care. Help me as I struggle to see how this is good. Help me run toward your purposes in my waiting, mainly that I would be sanctified, satisfied, and settled in my salvation. My sovereign Father, I humbly ask the desire of my heart, to bring a child into this world. I am able to ask because you gave your child for my salvation. Thank you. Amen.” 

Walk in Wisdom

• Song: Christ our Wisdom by Sovereign Grace Music
• Scripture: James 1:5, Proverbs 3: 5-6
• Quote: “Of course you don't have the strength to face what's on your plate, but God, in his grace, hasn't left you to the small limits of your own power.” Paul Tripp
• Prayer: Lord God, I have learned and dwelt on the expanse of your control. I praise you that I am not ultimately ruling my life. Yet, you have allowed me to exercise my will in this area. What steps are best? What resources should I use, if any? How do I balance my awareness of your choice and my choices? I don't know the answers to these questions. But I do know your word promises you will grant wisdom to those who ask. I lower myself down Lord, I do not know what is best, my vision is so limited and small, my heart is prone to believe that if I make the right choices I will guarantee the right outcome. I desperately need the Spirit to empower me to walk in wisdom. I do not lean on my own understanding, I trust in you. I plead with you that our efforts will result in a life in my womb, but if not, I rest in your plan. Empower me Spirit, to say and believe thy will be done. Amen. 

Wait on the Lord

• Song: For God Alone (Psalm 62) by The Worship Initiative
• Scripture: Psalm 33:20-22
• Quote: "I realized that this is the most precious answer God can give us: WAIT. It makes us cling to Him rather than to an outcome. God knows what I need; I do not. He sees the future; I do not. His perspective is eternal, mine is not. He will give me WHAT is best for me WHEN it is best for me. As Paul Tripp says "Waiting is not just about what I get at the end of the wait, but about who I become as I wait." Veneetha Risner
• Prayer: LORD, the I am, the self existent, and self sustaining one. I wait for you. Nothing else. I am not self-existent and I cannot create the outcome I want. Even though I so desperately want to guarantee that the end of this waiting will result in a baby. I do not wait on an outcome, I wait on you. You are my help and my shield. What a powerful promise. You will help me be patient. You have already protected me from the death I deserve because of my sin.  I trust you, and that makes me glad in my tears. I will wait for you. May your steadfast love be upon me. Specifically, protect me from deep and lasting anxiety. Keep me from having tunnel vision for a specific date on the calendar. Empower me with eyes to see others that are hurting that I may pour out your love on them. I am waiting for you. I hope in you. You are my joy. May those statements sink deep into my heart so that I believe them no matter what. Please grant me a yes, but I know the answer you choose will be for your glory and my good. In Jesus, my true shield’s name, amen. 

Worship with Tears

• Song: Faith More Precious Than Gold by Mission House
• Scripture: Job 23:8-10
• Quote: “I shall look at the world through tears. Perhaps I shall see things that dry-eyed I could not see.” Nicholas Wolterstorff
• Prayer: My God who is near, I do not feel you. You are working, but I do not see you. I believe you are in control of this, but I can’t understand why. You have said no to my good request. I feel the fears of the future and the weight of walking this road crushing down on me. Can I do this again? Will I be able to wait again? Yet, you have chosen this pain for me. I must trust your purposes are good. I believe that those whom you place in the refiners fire come out as gold. I will shine as I treasure you above all else. As I proclaim to a watching world you are worth it. I believe. Help my unbelief. In Christ’s sufficient name, Amen

 

More Resources:

• This is an excellent talk from a woman who really gets the pain of this road, but also really trusts the sovereignty of God. 
• Podcast with Veneetha Risner and Joni Eareckson Tada: This is gold. From two women who have suffered immensely, and are shining examples of Christ’s all satisfying nature. You must listen. 
• Trusting God by Jerry Bridges: This is what I’m currently reading and it has strengthened my belief in God’s sovereignty. 
• Podcast with Mark Vroegop: Speaks very powerfully specifically to the season of waiting. 
• Seasons of Waiting by Betsy Childs Howard. A friend who walked this road for a long time sent this to me. Very helpful!
• Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop. If you have never read about or studied lament, I highly recommend this book. His encouragement to run to the Lord with our grief deeply impacted all of the prayers you read above. 
• Very helpful article by Tim Challies. God has unearthed some wrong things I believe about him in this season and this article was especially helpful. I also LOVE the poem at the end. 
• The Lord of Psalm 23: Jesus our Shepherd, Companion, and Host by David Gibson. I read this before I entered this valley, but it has been a constant encouragment and has sustained me with truth.